When I Have Lived the Final Chapter

In March, 1983. The young woman said, as she handed me a bouquet of flowers, “We are just ordinary people.” I have often thought about that remark, because as she said it, I thought, “We are just ordinary people, too.” This was the beginning of a twenty year chapter in the lives of two very ordinary people, a pastor and his wife, a chapter called ministry and marriage, husband and pastor, life and death. The chapter closed on January 2, 2003 when my husband, down at the church to complete his sermon for the first Sunday of that New Year, suddenly passed away. The End. Twenty-five years marriage, twenty years ministry.

What do you do when you read the last chapter in a book? Well, if it is a single work of fiction, you go back over the story in your mind, reflect on the text and the characters, and then you move on to the next book. If it is a book in a series of books, you think on the text and the characters, and then move on to the next book in the series.

And so it has been with my life after the death of my husband. I look back to the history, the ministry and the marriage and I think on those things, kind of like re-reading the last chapter, but I also realize that this new chapter is not a continuation of that chapter. It is a new chapter titled “The New Normal,” a new history in the making for me.

I wrote my way through that first year of the new chapter of this book “The New Normal” and the word God gave to me as a tag line for each essay I shared with my sisters was, “His grace is still sufficient.” Now, most believers are familiar with this text, Paul’s thorn, Paul’s request, God’s denial, God’s promise, “My grace is sufficient.” I thought I truly understood this text until I did a more recent bible study on 2 Corinthians 12 and through a word study learned that when God said, “My grace is sufficient,” the word He was giving to Paul, and ultimately to me and you, is “I will be your support on a shaky foundation; you will not sink beneath the burden of this trial, my grace will stand between you and this challenge. So, when God follows this declaration with the assertion that His strength is made perfect in weakness, what He is saying to us is that the strength I give to you is more completely revealed when you recognize, acknowledge and experience this inability to effect change in your challenges, aka weakness.

Now that I have read that final chapter of “Ministry and Marriage,” and continue to write upon the pages of this new chapter of the book called “The New Normal,” my goal is to now remind my sisters that no matter what you find yourself going through, God’s burden bearing grace is still sufficient. The chapter in the book, “The New Normal,” has already been ordained by God. That last chapter prepared me for this new chapter that will contain the record of my challenges and His triumphs, weaknesses and His grace. It will be so with every challenge that comes our way, each level of challenge moves us to the next level of challenge, as we, indeed, move from glory to glory.

When you have read the last chapter of life and whether it ends with death of a loved one or a relationship, or relocation or disappointment or heartbreak, look back on that history, reflect and learn, but move on to the next chapter. Embrace it and remember that not only is God’s grace still available, it is most certainly still sufficient.

Today, I am still just ordinary people, but in this new normal “His grace still amazes me.”

2010 was a year of distraction for me; challenges sprang up on every side. As a result, I have not had the opportunity to maintain my blogs as would have liked. I am back with a plan. Saturday will be my writing and publishing day. God has been so gracious as to allow me the blessing of a new year and I will not procrastinate on the assignments He has given to me. We can so often get sidetracked by life and forget to keep the main thing the main thing. The first three months of this year are filled with ministry opportunities and I cannot falter at this stage of the game. I do not have a slogan for 2011, as in "Moving towards Heaven in 2011," or something to that effect. I just remember Jeremiah 29;11-13, and though God was talking to a captive Israel, I just believe He is also talking to a captive Donna who has been in bondage to her circumstances and has forgotten the words she embraced so long ago, "If the Son, therefore, shall make you free, you shall be free indeed!" Praise God for His freedom.

SEEK YE FIRST!

I tracked it like a predator tracking its prey. I had seen it on television and knew it would only be a matter of time before it would show up in the local Walgreen’s. I became the hunter gatherer. At least once a week I would go into Walgreen’s and stalk the “As Seen On TV” section, hoping that I would find it between the superb pancake maker, the fantastic hair remover potion, the extraordinary porcelain restorer, the miraculous oxygen cleanser, the profound space preserver, and the powerful portable hand held sewing machine. Alas, for almost a month I returned home from the hunt empty handed.

Then, one Sunday, after dinner with the in-laws, I stop at Walgreen’s on my way home. I was shopping for something else, but on my way to the check out counter I glance over at that section. I scan each level, bottom to top, hoping against hope. Then, there, on the top shelf, could it be? Yes, there it is; the prey is in sight! I gasp, blink a couple of times and adjust my vision. Slowly, as I keep my eye on the prize, I quietly walk over to the section, reach up to the top shelf and grasp it firmly in hand. Eureka! At last, victory! I rush back to the check out counter.

The clerk scans my trophy, then asks, “What is it?” I quietly explain that having seen it on television, I decided that this was something I needed. She looks around, then in a conspiratorial whisper asks me, “Where did you find it?” I point to the section and in my best sotto voce voice I say, “At the top.” She looks over to the section, passes me my prize, and says, “Ohhh, I’d better get one right now.”

I drive home excited and pleased with the tenacity that has resulted in my bringing home this prize. The next day, as I watch “The Price Is Right” with my husband, I pull out my prize and begin to put it to work, smiling and humming to myself. My husband sits at the foot of the bed, and glances back at me from time to time, but says nothing. My daughter, who who is not working today, walks into our bedroom and sits down at the head of our bed. Between comments about the dumb bids of the contestants, she also watches me, but says nothing. . .for a while. Happily oblivious to their mounting curiosity, I continue to whistle and work and congratulate myself on my prize and my productivity.

Finally, my daughter can stand it no longer. “Mama, what is that?” I proudly hold up my blue trophy and announce that it is a “Flip and Fold”.

“A what?” She looks at me rather strangely. My husband looks back at us but says nothing.

“A Flip and Fold. This little baby is going to help me organize my closets and shelves.” I point proudly to the shirts I have just flip folded, a crisp tower of perfectly folded garments.

“Look at this, clean sharp lines, magnificently folded, just like in a department store. Saves space too.”

My daughter, who manages a retail store, responds: “We just use cardboard.”

I consider the statement for a moment, then reply, “I suppose I could have made one of these out of cardboard.” A pall begins to form over my folding happiness. But when I place my finished product on a shelf and stand back to admire the symmetry, I think, “Na-aah!”

I tell my daughter, “You ought to buy one of these for your store, just $14.99 at Walgreen’s. It would be a lot quicker.”

I hope she will catch my enthusiasm as I return to my whistling and working and folding. I am happy; it doesn’t get much better than this. I am oblivious to the laughter of my daughter and my husband.

Hmmmm. I think I feel a life lesson coming on.

I wonder, how is it that a $14.99 novelty item can get me so worked up while the ransom of Christ no longer excites me as it once did?

How can I get so excited about the inconsequential things of this life, put all my time and energy into acquiring stuff while too often overlooking the eternal hope that is in in Christ Jesus?

Why have my needs and wants become greater than this great salvation, and how is it that it is so easy for me to neglect (be careless with, make light of) this great salvation, leaving it wanting while I seek the things of this temporal realm?

Yes, I know, if I have believed the gospel, confessed, believed, and received the gospel, I have not ignored (neglected) the greater salvation (versus the law), but where do I stand now in the light of the gospel? Am I neglecting the work God planned in advance for me; am I working out my salvation with fear and trembling?

My “Flip and Fold” has three steps I must follow to achieve a crisply folded shirt or towel. If I follow the sequence, the finished product will turn out as promised by the manufacturer.

My growth in Christ has three steps. If I follow the sequence, obedience-comittment-sacrifice (deny, take up cross, follow), the finished product (me) will come out as promised by the manufacturer (mature believer).

It is amazing the things the Father uses to teach me a lesson.

No Root of Bitterness

We must take care not to let bitterness take root in our souls. It is easy for we mere mortals to give in to the side effects of life, the despair and anger that come with disappointments, abandonment, persecution, neglect, etal. Our dreams go down the drain of deferral; our expectations are trampled beneath the feet of apathy and disinterest. In our distress, we reflexively nurture our pain and rehearse our misery until we harvest a crop of bitterness that spills over into our everyday actions and reactions. We succumb to our heartache and begin to see everything through bitterness-tinted lenses. I think it is time to check out our profession of faith. If we truly believe that God is who He says He is and that He can do what He says He can do, then why aren’t we, more often, casting all our care on Him simply because we know He cares for us?

Bitterness is pervasive and invasive. Bitterness keeps us living out our Past in the Present. Bitterness erodes our hope and trust and ultimately we begin to measure every act by every person by our bitterness slide rule. Bitterness demands perfection until, finally, very few people can live up to our expectations. Bitterness takes our focus off of El Shaddai and puts it back on "me, myself and I." We love to proclaim Philippians 4:13 but until we actually begin to practice what we preach, that we can not only do but also endure all things through the One who is our strength, bitterness will continue to taunt us. So, what shall we say to these things? I'm just asking. . .

Great Gain!

I was casually listening to a radio bible study as I drove toward my next errand. The speaker was expounding on the scripture 1 Timothy 6:6, "Godliness with contentment is great gain." Now I am familiar with this scripture; I have heard it before, but this time it resonated in my mind. Godliness and contentment? What a great premise. Most believers are certainly in the pursuit of godliness, but what about this contentment thing? I think we too often are focused so much on doing the right thing that we become subject to inner turmoil and chaos that belies our profession of faith because we are not pursuing contentment as well. Contentment may be a hard earned consequence of our faith, but I believe that such a state is available to each and every believer.

Paul declares in Philipians 4:11, “Whatever state. . . I have learned to be content.” This statement, in my view, now raises the question, “How do I learn to be content? The JFB Commentary defines the word content, as used in this text, as "having a sufficiency in one's self" independent of others.” What is this sufficiency? Well, it certainly is not my turning to my own strength of heart and mind, but it is rather my trusting God’s divine plan for my life and choosing to accept my life as it is, not focusing on what’s missing or what is not in place, but rather trusting God for every provision as I pursue Him daily. To do this, I must acknowledge, daily, that God can fill every void in my life be it body, soul or spirit.

The past six years or so have certainly been a learning curve for me, having to trust God in a new season as the familiar fell away. Materially there has been no great gain, but spiritually I have grown and I am stronger, wiser and so much better (Sing Marvin!). I do not beleive it is ever God’s intent to destroy us with the winds of adversity and life's unexpected challenges and pitfalls, but adversity does offer us the opportunity to pursue God with an absolute trust that His will shall absolutely prevail in our lives. When I do make godliness and contentment my daily focus, I gain a greater insight into His love for mankind, and for me. I hear so many testimonies about how God “brought me through,” or “brought me over,” or “kept me safe.” Wouldn’t it be wonderful to hear about contentment in the storm, and peace in the valley as we wait for God's divine intervention? Godliness with contentment, to recognize God as El Elyon, Jehovah Sabaoth and El Shaddai and then realize that there is no need for discontent or dismay, is certainly great gain. What a thought!

Rhema Word #2: A Certain Uncertainty

Oswald Chambers calls it a "certain uncertainty." It is that state of faith in which we are certain God can solve and resolve everything even as we find ourselves in a state of suspended animation, that place of uncertainty where we are unsure as to just how, and when, God will solve or resolve our stuff.

We want to know everything about our future, the who, what, where, why, when and how of our lives. We live in a perpetual state of anxiety as we try to peer into into our futures with the notion that we can wrestle it into submission to our will and expectations.

Let's just think about this for a moment. If we can trust our eternity to the sacrifice of one man through the behest of a heavenly Father who loved and loves us beyond our wildest imaginations and now that we are sealed to the day of redemption, can we not also trust that same Godhead with our future, with the rest of our lives? Isn't the promise of all things working together for our good more than enough?

Chambers writes: ". . . When we have the right relationship with God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy . . . Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in -- but you can be certain that He will come. Remain faithful to Him."

It is glorious, indeed!
Romans 8:16-39

A Rhema #1: "And They Continued . . . "

The visiting pastor, the speaker of the hour for our pastor’s appreciation program, took his text from Acts 2:42-43-46. I love this passage of scripture because it underscores for me the importance of fellowship within the church, the things we should have in common with one another and the connection that should be in place in our local assemblies. The subject the pastor presented to us from this text was “And They Continued.” It was the exact word that not only I needed but a word that seemed to resonate in the minds and hearts of the people in attendance.

“And they continued. . .”

As we look at this particular text, we begin to understand the standard that is being set for us by this first century church. Those new believers continued in the teaching of the apostles. They continued to share, practically and spiritually, with one another, to partner with one another in the pursuit of holiness and the edification of one another. They continued to partake of Communion together; they prayed together. They looked out for the needs of the body and if they had the means to meet the needs, they did not hesitate (“all things in common”) to give, selling their possessions in order that others would not suffer. Certainly this is a challenge to today’s church, to measure our “fellowship” against the standards established in this fledgling church. But this was not the only challenge the pastor presented to us. He challenged us to think about the direction of our lives today even as we show up to church every Sunday.

I have to ask myself, Has Donna continued in the fellowship or did she drop out from time to time, simply because she wasn't feeling it? “In what has Donna continued since she first knelt at the foot of the cross and confessed Jesus as Savior and Lord? Has her faith continued to grow in spite of the obstacles to it, or did she falter along the way when it looked like God had forgotten her place. Has she continued in those old thought patterns that put her needs first, ego driven desires that ignored the needs and hurts of her fellow believers, or has she learned “It’s not about me?” Has Donna continued in old habits, reverted to old responses and reactions when someone stepped on her toes, inadvertent or intentional (though my perception is often the injury is intentional). Has Donna been that good example of the one who is determined to follow Jesus daily, or has her witness, her negative witness, tainted the lives of others, especially those spiritual babes who are still on the milk of the word regardless of how long they have been in the church.

Life, as Langston Hughes writes, has not been a crystal stair for me or for many others. There have been torn places in the carpet and splinters and the climb has not always been easy, but in spite of these challenges, I have always been able to count on a sister or a brother to bring me a revelation, a confirmation or an encouraging word from God that He has not forgotten me. Sometimes the individual doesn’t even know how God has used them to move me out of my spiritual lethargy or weariness. Still, had these individuals not continued in the fellowship, in the pursuit of God and the edification of the body, it is very likely I would never have received God’s note of encouragement.

In spite of the fact that the years have passed by quickly, and are gaining speed even as I write, I want to be all that God is calling me as a member of His family and of the local assembly into which He has placed me. I invite you to join me in this Federation of the Saints as we continue to follow Jesus daily.

“And they continued. . .”

What a wonderful testimony to the faith of a people who were the very first to believe in God’s love and the power of redemption.